20 Weeks

How far along? 20 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 0 lbs. I think I am getting pretty close to throwing something on the board. I definitely thought I was after making cookies with the M&M white chocolate candy corns. OMG good.
Maternity clothes? Dresses are standard attire for the sweatshop. Think I may need to get a new one or two to add to the rotation- I'm sick of wearing the same ones already. I am still sporting my white jeans, something tells me they will be ready for the burn pile in a few months. 
Sleep: This is pretty hit or miss. Some nights it's great, others not so great. What's sleep anyway? 
Best moment this week: Feeling the baby kick! We also had a pretty great weekend in Birmingham weekend. Just nice and low key.
Have you told family and friends: Yep, and now pretty much everyone at work knows. I think I look pretty pregnant now, and when we had cupcakes at work I mentioned something about getting gestational diabetes, so that probably cleared things up for anyone who thought this was tailgating tum tum.
Miss Anything? No, I really don't think so. I am looking forward to our little family growing. Maybe it's the holidays, but I am getting all inspirited about having our own little family traditions.  
Movement: I have been feeling movement for a little while, the fluttering type, but I felt a definite kick last night! So exciting! I was eating some mushrooms (so delicious, will try and post recipe), and I guess baby has a thing for them. 
Food cravings: Not really any now. The weather may not be warm but I am looking forward to when it is, so we have been have some yummy soups, and tomato and grilled cheese sandwiches lately. Just really good clean, hearty food sounds delish to me.
Anything making you queasy or sick: no
Have you started to show yet: Yes, I definitely think so. I think my bump is probably still less typical than the norm at this point because everything on the front has grown pretty proportionally, but either a bump or a serious tum tum is pretty clear in most things.
Gender prediction: I don't know? We try again this week and I do hope baby is cooperative. After feeling the kick I feel better that baby is feeling alright, so I am starting to lose my patience about not knowing the sex. At the midwife appointment two weeks ago, she said she thought boy. Stefanie says that if we don't find out soon and keep on with the boy assumption, then if it's a girl we may have to do a swap at the hospital. We will be like we can't take home a girl, we have blue things!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy. I think my mood has stabilized a little bit, but I can't lie about having a nasty blanket of anxiety hanging over thoughts in the back of my head. I think I will feel so much more relaxed once I reach 28 weeks, because I feel like if anything happens baby will be fine from there on.
Looking forward to: Again, ultrasound this week. I get myself a little worked up for these appointments, almost like I am bracing myself for bad news. After we leave with good news, I just feel like I need to puke to wind down, maybe do some shopping, and then I generally feel pretty happy afterwards.

All in all, I am can't say that I have loved this pregnancy. I have felt pretty emotional at times, and pretty ready to be done with it. I feel very guilty about that sometimes, like I am somehow cheating this baby. However, I have come to be OK with the idea that I don't have to love this time to be thankful for the experience, and that doesn't make me a bad person/mom. And no matter what, I am crazy in love with this baby already.